Peach Plum Pear

This is my perfect song today. She is perfect today. Watch the video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIUuG6vaihM) and read the lyrics. Put on my shoes and walk around with my tired feet and understand my Joanna place.

we speak in the store
I'm a sensitive bore
you seem markedly more
and I'm oozing suprise

but it's late in the day
and you're well on your way
what was golden went gray
and I'm suddenly shy

and the gathering floozies
afford to be choosy
and all sneezing darkly
in the dimming divide

and I have read the right books
to interpret your looks
you were knocking me down
with the palm of your eye

go; na na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na

this was unlike the story
it was written to be
I was riding its back
when it used to ride me

and we were galloping manic
to the mouth of the source
we were swallowing panic
in the face of its force

and I was blue
I am blue
and unwell
made me bolt like a horse

and; na na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na

now it's done
watch it go
and you've changed so
water run from the snow

am I so dear?
do I run rare?
and you've changed so

peach, plum, pear
peach, plum

This is another beautiful video of her: Peach Plum Pear

Whiskey and Feelings Night #2 = Success.

Whiskey was drunk. Feelings were shared. Everyone was fit to drive home and woke up hangover free. I hope. :)

Brave as a Bear

I have two, maybe three BIG THINGS I would like to write about.

Once again, I need to sort through my spiritual thoughts. Like Pick-Up Sticks, I want to remove them one at a time, trying to keep the other sticks from shaking, looking for patterns and purpose. I think I'm sad and confused and a little scared of what I'm discovering. oy. and yet, I know that I don't have the time or the energy to do this right now. It's still happening, under the surface, but I can't focus on it. Later this Winter. I promise. I'll sit down and I'll take the cover off that shaky pot and let all the spiritual fear and fervor envelop me like a sticky mist. Ok? Ok.

You know what I feel right now? I feel inexperienced. I feel woefully unprepared. I feel unsure and I feel uneasy and not at rest. Oh gosh. It's Winter! I'm going into my Crazy! Because, simultaneously, I'm feeling peaceful, happy, filled and driven. I make no sense to myself. I haven't journaled in for-fucking-ever. That's the real issue here.

This is what I think about sometimes: I don't cook. I should start learning to cook healthy things. and then I should eat them.

and that thought, that simple little thought overwhelms me to the point of paralysis. Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you ever heard? and yet it's true. Dear Sweet Goodness, I need to give myself a fucking break. and I need to learn to cook healthy food.

Here is a list of things I already do well:
1) Wear glasses.
2) Kiss.
3) Sing in the car.
4) Listen to people.
5) Drink tea. or whiskey.
6) Dishes.
7) Phone Calls (Funny story: I used to tell people that I was bad on the phone because all of my cool friends were "bad at the phone" but it was a lie. I am so good on the phone. so. good.)
8) Pet cats.
9) Find quotes.
10) Color.

Boom.

Winter Again.

On Sunday I felt very suddenly and strongly that fall was over and winter was here. Thanksgiving seems to mark the end of fall, in some way. And winter is my season.

Sometimes I pretend that this isn't true. I think about how magical summer is and how I was a summer girl. I love summer. I think about how changeful and warm fall is and I want to fit as snugly in it as my friends do. But no. Winter comes and I'm reminded that we belong with one another.

Somewhere along the way Winter became a dear friend, a thoughtful companion, a familiar extension of myself.

You know that warm bubble of contentment and joy that swells under your ribcage when something inexpressibly delightful and comforting happens? I'm feeling that.

Here's the thing, guys. I'm going through a lot of change in my life (when am I not?) and Winter is my time to sit down and unpack all of my mind's drawers and sort everything. And I need to take the time to pull the drawers out of my dressers and empty them in giant piles all around me. I need the time to sit and pick through and turn things this way and that and relabel some of it and then re-fold it or throw it away or hang it up.

Winter gives me that time. oof. There's a lot of time in Winter. A lot of dark time. But I think I'm ready. Let's get down to the bare bones, to the bare arms of the trees. I need to stop. and think. and figure it out.

... waiting ...

I'm making an online photo album of Peter's and my first vacation together, aka our honeymoon. But Snapfish is "unable to save my photo album at this time." I'm supposed to try again in a few minutes. So I have been trying every few minutes and it continues to tell me that it is not ready to save my work. *le sigh*

Want to see some of my pictures?


We like to smoke cigars. NEXT!



This is the first natural bridge we hiked to at the Natural Bridges National Monument.


That is my husband there, hiking along.


I like to hike too. Wee!


I like to think that we're naturally happy people.

That's all. Off to save!

Shamrock Run

This March (2011), I will be attempting to run a 15K. Sweet Mother of God, I am already hating myself so much. There is a 5K and 8K also available (Kyle and Dena are running the 5K), but Peter wants to run the 15K with my dad and I don't want to run the 8K all alone, so ... I will be starting a training schedule this week to see if it is possible to run 9.3 miles by March 13.

Please send strong, enduring, healthy thoughts my way.

To be honest, I'm secretly a little excited because I know that this will be so good for me. My body will freaking love me (eventually). But first, everything in my being will hate me, hate Peter, hate St. Patrick's Day, and hate this mother f***ing run.

Please send strong, enduring, healthy thoughts my way.

... and Whether Pigs Have Wings.

Last night Peter and I sat in our living room and drank tea and journaled and tried to get our cats to freak out like normal cats. Fail.

I applied for some seasonal retail work and am keeping my fingers crossed that I get it (I'm doing that thing where I call in about once a day to check on the status of my application). There's something that sounds strangely appealing about being busy around the holidays. I may regret it once I'm stressing out about frilly shirts and shitty customers, but I want to be working more. Also, I think I'll feel less stressed about finances if I'm actively contributing to them. You know?

It's all rainy and cold here right now and I'm kind of loving it. I put on tights when I wake up, scarves when I leave the house and gloves when I get in the car. Why do I love grey and drizzly? Maybe because it feels like home. Also, I like to dress warmly. All my prettiest things are warm things, anyway. And there's more of an excuse to drink hot coffee, hot tea, hot chai and hot mulled wine. HOT HOT HOT! One of my favorite things to get in foreign European countries is a little paper cone filled with hot chesnuts. In French Switzerland they're called Marrons Chauds and in Swiss German one asks for Heissi Marroni. Oh, dear sweet goodness.

I'm feeling rambly and happy this morning. There's nothing pressing that needs doing in this moment and I'm teaching at my favorite preschool this afternoon. Thank you, rainy Portland!

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."