Sunday, January 29, 2012

Lovely Sunday

Lots of coffee and tea, a big puzzle, a warm scarf with my pajamas all day, and endless episodes of Downton Abbey.  Call me lazy and indulgent, but make sure you add that I was blissfully so.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Power Struggle

Out at a coffee shop drinking tea this snowy morning a friend and I admitted that being in a relationship means consistently giving up power.  

Say you are someone who likes plans.  You enjoy going out to dinner with friends and you enjoy going home when you decided you would go home.  What was in your head comes to pass because you are master of your own destiny.  All of sudden, you find yourself in a relationship with someone who likes to go with the flow, who thinks that going to ice cream after dinner on a whim is so fun!  You realize that you are no longer the sole decision-maker, that this inconsiderate person saying YAY is the person wrenching that decision out of your hands.  You feel angry and confused and unprepared for ice cream.  

Or, take the reverse:  when you were single you liked to see where the night took you.  Once you were out, you were out until things died down or you got too tired to drive home.  Now, you're with someone who can't roll with the punches as easily as you can.  When, after dinner, your friends say, "Let's go to a bar!" you stop mid-YAY when you see your partner's distressed head shake.  Suddenly you feel weighted down by that person and their complete spontaneous ineptitude.  Are all your fun, unplanned adventurous nights behind you?

My friend and I are strong, independent, smart women.  We rocked singleness.  We loved being where we wanted to be when we wanted to be there and leaving when we were done.  We governed our own lives responsibly and well.  And now, we are learning that becoming someone's life-partner means loosening our white-knuckled grip on control.  Which is tough, since we know what is best and how it is best done.  It is hard to give up control and know that the other person might not use it wisely (according to us).   

Sometimes we're very unhappy about it.  But relationships aren't about making you happy all of the time.  Sometimes you will be very very bitter and unhappy about the loss of control and Head Honcho Status.  It's true.  

This is reality.  If you want to be on a team, you cannot make all of the decisions all of the time.  

Damn it.  

Friday, January 13, 2012

dreaming ...

Wouldn't it be crazy if lower-class, gay friendly, minority women were the voice of Christian faith in this country?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Dancing Sugar-less Plums

Yesterday in the car, Audrey and Henry and I were resolving to do and NOT do a lot of very important things.

Lisa:  "I resolve to not drop babies on their heads." (note:  this is not a habit of mine)
Henry:  "I resolve to not go in the men's bathroom if I'm a woman and not go in the woman's bathroom if I'm a man."
Audrey: "I resolve to love everyone in my life."

Audrey for the win.

One thing I am currently resolving to do with my in-laws Kiersten and Seth and my out-law Laura is not eat sugar for two weeks.  Think of it as a reset button after the holidays.  Unfortunately, sugars are in a lot of things.  The peanut butter I was spreading on crackers.  Milk.  Tomato soup.  So, I'm going to go with no obvious sugars.  No candy.  No frozen yogurt.  Peter is playing the part of the enforcer, which is something this extremely undisciplined woman needs from time to time.  He is making me start over every time I mess up, like yesterday at the frozen yogurt store when I deliberately ate chocolate yogurt.  Today, it was an absentminded handful of chocolate chips.  I claimed accident and pleaded need for progress, so he compromised by adding a day to the end of my two weeks rather than making me start from scratch.

Normally, I don't do resolutions.  September is a more natural start to the year for me.  My birthday is at the end of August, so thinking of each year starting in the fall as my age changes works better than the arbitrary January 1st date.  HOWEVER!  I have one resolution and it will be put to the test quickly. 

I want to remember and acknowledge birthdays.  Ben Van Raden and Drew Haskell were born January 6th.  I will call them and say "Happy Birthday!" 

Friends will get calls; Family will get cards.  That is the plan.  Challenging, but do-able.  And I will do it.  I will be that person that remembers birthdays. 

and I will keep away from sugars for the next two weeks. 

and not drop babies on their heads.