Friday, December 25, 2009

Trying to say Something with Lists.

Family. Fambly.
1. Something you choose. Those people who are guaranteed to be around for every wedding and every funeral.
2. Something you don't choose. Those people who are guaranteed to be around for every wedding and every funeral.
3. Friends who stick around and want to know everything.
4. My cousins and their mothers. We are alike for a reason. Who knew so many strong-willed, outspoken women could exist happily in the same space. It wasn't always happily.
5. Kyle and his wife Dena and our shared experiences and our love of games. Games!
6. The realization that my aunt is really my aunt and I can't do anything about it. Thank you.
7. Permanency. A sense of "for better or worse."
8. Holding hands with your cousin and knowing that there is something more than choice that makes you call one another when bad things happen.
9. Understanding why you do things the way that you do them.
10. Realizing that we all laugh hardest at our own jokes. Gilhams are retarded in that way.

Growing Up.
1. Finding music that I love and playing it over and over again.
2. Looking at people in the eye and knowing what to say.
3. Paying for groceries and telling people that fruit is expensive.
4. Feeding cats.
5. Waiting for phone calls.
6. Knowing when to take some space.
7. Talking about forgiveness.
8. Taking advantage of these last years with my grandmother.
9. Two beers.
10. Telling, not asking. Discussing, not arguing.

I always have more to say than what I write. Here below is just a hearty sentiment from my deep Christmas insides. :) Does that make sense?

Joanna Newsom makes me feel so deeply that it is good to be a woman. Thank you, Jessica, for making me listen to her on the way to Delynn's wedding. I think I've played "Ca' the yowes to the knowes" twenty times in a row today. My life is better. :)

Sunday, December 13, 2009

pretty people

I have such beautiful people in my life. I can be neurotic and insecure and they love me somehow. There are only a handful of people in the world that I assume love me, that I expect to love me. Everyone else continues to surprise me.

I'm glad that winter is here, but it's making me slightly bi-polar. I am a mess in the winter. A mess, do you hear me? I'm drinking tea every day though. And being productive and un-productive. you know. Dear goodness. Sometimes I think people must think I'm a pretentious jerk. Maybe I am. But I can't stand dumb people.

Thanks for loving me even when I'm crazy. Winter is here. I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm thinking or why I'm acting the way that I am. I apologize in advance for all the ways that I may offend you in the next few months.

Please love me anyway. And I'll be surprised every time I realize it.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Cats have their own brains. You can't control them; they think for themselves. And they move in their cat-like way and sit the way cats sit and look at you.

My cats follow me from room and room and look at me. They sleep curled up together and walk side by side through the house. They are black. One is a boy and the other is a girl.

Cats are like statues. They sit perfectly upright and look at what interests them. They like windowsills so they can see outside. When they see something move quickly, their eyes get big and round and yellow. These cats are sweet and cuddly and they can jump high. Jump, Cat!

This is not a real blog post.