Thursday, February 25, 2010

One Fish Two Fish

I wrote five Dr. Seuss scripts this week. Yes, five. I wrote them. And I ran through them with each of my five classes at Milwaukie Elementary School and they are going to be great.

I finished teaching my Musical Theater kids all of the choreography for their Showcase number. And we have two more weeks to work on it! So they will be ready. They just need to remember to breathe and sing and dance all at the same time. :)

I modified and sent home scripts with all of my tiniest tots at the theater so their parents can get them more excited about their one line. And I think the parents will do it! It's Thursday and I already have all the scripts ready to go for the Saturday class.

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but am I actually following through and bringing big projects to completion in a professional and creative manner?

Knock on wood, I think that I am!

I've been so afraid that I would be unable to do all of this. There are so many pieces to pull together and so many details to remember and so much prep that needs to be done. I am not and never have been a details person. I'm that person that comes up with the big beautiful idea and gets really excited about it and then lets it all slip through the cracks as time goes by. I've never been great at follow-through and follow-up.

O, the times they are a-changing.

Quick note: I have been known to follow through on a few things in the past. I have a BA, for goodness sakes. Hopefully that means that at some point in four years I completed something. Also, Tilikum. But I had a lot of help and a lot of accountability in that job. That makes a difference.

What makes these projects terrifying is that I am essentially doing them all on my own. My bosses keep telling me, "You'll be fine! You're doing great." And I've been trying to believe them, all the while feeling like they don't know me that well. If they did, they'd be a little more worried.

Today, for the first time, it's not that difficult to believe them. I will be fine. I'm going great.

Knock on wood.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Once upon a time I gave up caffeine for Lent. I was a barista. It was hard. And while it restored balance in some ways, that was as far as I went in observing this period of mourning and reflection that has been built into the Church calendar. The only true excitement I found on Easter morning was in a steaming cup of good coffee.

This year, I'm going to be intentional. I want to see if there's value in preparing for Good Friday, if there's a reason to proceed with Jesus to Jerusalem, to repent and shift my focus outward. Will Easter be different? Will I be changed? Is that even the point?

My church had an Ash Wednesday service last night in which I participated. At one point during the service I looked at the woman in front of me as she wiped palm frond ash on my forehead and listened to her say, "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you will return." I took the bowl from her and turned to the woman behind me, repeating the words and the gesture. There is value in remembering death. My death in particular. What is important to me? Do I live as though those things are vital and true? Does it turn my focus outward and my heart towards Jesus?

This Lenten season I'm giving up alcohol. And I'm adding a Sabbath. I need rest. I need a reason to rest. I need motivation to sit down with my Lenten prayer guide and ponder these things and prepare myself. I'm going to think, I'm going to be honest and sit and look for renewal. Can I do it? Or will I, as I do in so many other areas, fill myself up with good intentions and then fail in the follow-through?

There's still some forgiveness that needs to be extended by me. Ask me if I've extended it. Encourage me to write that letter.

Remind me that I am dust and to dust I will return.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

GOODNESS (excerpt from my journal).

Remember when Raggedy Ann got lost in the creek and her cotton got soaked with muddy creek water, her hair fell out and her candy heart melted? Then that woman ripped her open, pulled out all of her insides, washed her little cloth body and her clothes and hung her out in the sun to dry? Then remember how she stuffed her full of new, clean, fluffy cotton, gave her a new candy heart and new yarn hair and sewed her all back up?

Same old Raggedy Ann, but fresh, clean, bright and whole again.

That was my beach day. I was at the beach at 8am. and the hills were blue, with golden orange color backlighting them. No one was on my beach, so I sang and laughed and flung out my arms. Then I went and curled up in a huge twisted mass of driftwood. I thought about how temporary we are and how God doesn't, in His infiniteness, need to be faithful to creatures who are only around for 70 years. But He does choose, because He IS faithful. It's His/Her Person. And I can fling my consciousness out to that far stretch of beautiful blue and tangle up my Spirit with Hers. with that expansive Presence.

I thought about Thankfulness, and how, when you're filled with it, there is no room left for small things. Thankfulness is so true, and so holy, and so filling. When I, in my joy and in my struggles, take time to paint a thank-you on my palm, I am acknowledging Her place, Her Power and my own lack of control. Her blessing is so simple and beautiful. She has done all things well.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

God is so far beyond my imperfect perceptions. Mother, Father, Creator, Sustainer. Goodness.