Brave as a Bear

I have two, maybe three BIG THINGS I would like to write about.

Once again, I need to sort through my spiritual thoughts. Like Pick-Up Sticks, I want to remove them one at a time, trying to keep the other sticks from shaking, looking for patterns and purpose. I think I'm sad and confused and a little scared of what I'm discovering. oy. and yet, I know that I don't have the time or the energy to do this right now. It's still happening, under the surface, but I can't focus on it. Later this Winter. I promise. I'll sit down and I'll take the cover off that shaky pot and let all the spiritual fear and fervor envelop me like a sticky mist. Ok? Ok.

You know what I feel right now? I feel inexperienced. I feel woefully unprepared. I feel unsure and I feel uneasy and not at rest. Oh gosh. It's Winter! I'm going into my Crazy! Because, simultaneously, I'm feeling peaceful, happy, filled and driven. I make no sense to myself. I haven't journaled in for-fucking-ever. That's the real issue here.

This is what I think about sometimes: I don't cook. I should start learning to cook healthy things. and then I should eat them.

and that thought, that simple little thought overwhelms me to the point of paralysis. Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you ever heard? and yet it's true. Dear Sweet Goodness, I need to give myself a fucking break. and I need to learn to cook healthy food.

Here is a list of things I already do well:
1) Wear glasses.
2) Kiss.
3) Sing in the car.
4) Listen to people.
5) Drink tea. or whiskey.
6) Dishes.
7) Phone Calls (Funny story: I used to tell people that I was bad on the phone because all of my cool friends were "bad at the phone" but it was a lie. I am so good on the phone. so. good.)
8) Pet cats.
9) Find quotes.
10) Color.

Boom.