Must Write!

There will be a question at the end of some of these Lisa-thoughts.  Please feel free to respond.  I just love comments!

We're getting another cat tomorrow. :)  Well, that is, it's kind of an adoptive situation.  I've been whispering to Eureka all week, "Enjoy these last few days on your own.  You're getting a new friend."  She is so soft and funny.  I would recognize her meow out of a sea of cat meows.  Everything is unique.  What is something you would recognize instantly even if it was from long ago or in an entirely different context?

There are some women on NPR with epic names:  Lourdes Garcia-Navarro, Soraya Sarhaddi Nelson, and Lakshmi Singh.  They affirm me and my name choice.  I love my name!  Do you like yours?  Why? :)

Whenever I'm sick I get very frustrated that I can't be more active.  But when I try to do very much I just feel icky.  I need to take care of myself.  But why is it that we often feel the most motivated to do things just when it is most impossible to do them?

I have a good music recommendation!  The Civil Wars.  Fun fact:  The voices are right in Kyle and Dena's ranges.  Kyle plays the guitar and they sing all the songs.  I have talented family. :)  Have you heard of any good bands recently?  Please tell me about them and why I should listen to them.

If you could do something you secretly like without fear of failing, what would you do?  I would dance hip-hop.  Also, I would wear short skirts.

Haiku:

I would like to learn
how to flip off of those play-
ground bars.  Scary fun!

lonely girl cat seeks
male cat friend who likes to curl
up in boxes.  Thor?

the bare arms of the
trees are peeping out along
my frosty drive home.

you should come visit
when my house is neat and the
tea is hot.  that's now. :)

BUS!

I rode the bus a lot today. I probably spent at least four hours on public transportation of one kind or another. And this is one thing I have noticed. People who stay silent on the bus seem way more interesting and smart than the people who are talking, especially if that person happens to be talking loudly on the phone. Take for example Bangs and Scarf Girl. BSG is very pretty. She has nice hair and lovely face. BSG seems mysterious; perhaps her thoughts are deep and meaningful. I find myself wanting to get to know her. Then, BSG picks up the phone.

"Oh my god, you will NOT believe who I saw today. Fucking Brandon. I know!"

Mystery - gone.
Deep and meaningful thoughts - probably never existed.
Thoughts of friendship - dashed.

le sigh.

Oh dear sweet BSG, why? Why?

I keep my mouth shut on the bus. Sometimes I smile slightly like something has gently amused me. I look out the window and think deep thoughts. Everyone wants to be my friend.

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

Halfway Up the Stairs

Oh man!  It is so good for me to read through past blogs and past journal entries.  I have thought and struggled and written and sung my way through some ridiculous times and and some hard, hard things.  I wrote once that the future hadn't been colored in yet and I couldn't find my markers: "no.  they're on the counter, but half of them dried up, and those were the pretty ones."  It's amazing that I once wrote that.  That was four years ago and I was in a bad, bad place.  These days, I am in a more colorful future than the one I then imagined.

I have so much that is good in my life these days.  Take for example, this lovely room I'm typing away in:  next to me is a bookcase full of wonderful and familiar friends.  In front of me is some good beer.  On my phone is a "goodnight, love" message from my remarkable husband.  I have a piano, which reminds me to practice for my voice lessons, which are a blessing.  We have a big couch that is perfect for canoodling while watching movies and equally great for drinking tea with friends and my cat.  In the corner is my library basket, full of books that I checked out to learn more about teaching kids drama.  Plus!  a heaping helping of delightful and beautiful children's books.  

Oh goodness.  I can't stop there.  I may have grown and moved on and out of some shitty times, but I can't begin to pretend that I know what I'm doing or that I understand life or the world or my own self much better than I did four years ago.  If anything, I have found more to be less certain about.  Does that make any sense? 

I keep finding myself thinking, "Life is so complicated."  I still am surprised at how limited and ignorant I can be when there is so much more to everything than what I initially see or understand.  I am so young and so silly.  I know practically nothing for certain.  And certainly those things I think I know are only pieces.  Pieces of truth or reality.  And I probably don't see how true or real they really are!  The best thing for me to do is hold everything loosely and ask a lot of questions and drink a lot of tea.  and listen.  and try not to think about what I think while someone else is talking.  That would be good.  I would see a lot more of this world's complexity if I would just shut up some of the time.

Still, I am working on it.  I wake up every day, alive and somehow coloring with these goddamn beautiful colors.

Self Cheerleading

I tend to think of fall as the beginning of the year.  It's easier to imagine change in September than January, at any rate.  That way too, I can think of years from birthday to birthday.  I realized today that my schedule has shifted for good, from the consistency of summer to the strange unpredictability of the rest of the year.  In the summer, I am at one place for seven-ish hours every day.  It's easy to get there, easy to get home, easy to plan the rest of my life around.  Now, I'm going to at least four different schools every week, as well as rehearsals, voice lessons and Saturday classes at the theater.  Some days, I'm racing around.  Others, like today, I have nothing except Henry at 3pm.  Which is tough when I wake up with Peter a little before 7am.  I need some routine, stat.

Running!  I think I'm going to give myself a nice tough goal this year.  I was able to train for an 8K in only three months last year.  I figure since I'm starting three months before that this time around, I should aim higher.  Like a 10K or 15K.  But, I want to be careful, so I don't hurt myself and end up limping around and laying off of running for months like I did last year.  Nice and easy is the name of the game.  I started off with a 2.4 mile run today and made myself stop.  I feel good.

Dancing!  I have until Nov. 7 to finish up my dance class package. I've forgotten that there are mid-day classes as well as evenings. That would fill up my time nicely.  Hurray for Ballet!

This is my current challenge:  find things to do that are productive, that get me out of the house and don't necessarily cost money.  I mean, I could clean the house, but how many days am I really going to be motivated to do that?  I have enough time to be really on top of my classes this year.  I want to be a more prepared teacher this year.  I can do this.

Have you noticed that this post is like a giant pep talk for myself?  GO! FIGHT! WIN!  I'm always wanting to live life to the fullest.  This fall, I'm going to throw myself head first into good things.  Time wasting will be kept to a minimum and joy and purpose will be seized at every opportunity!  or ... most opportunities.  many opportunities.  I am Lisa and I do love my long mornings with tea and books.

GO! FIGHT! WIN!!