Winter Again.

On Sunday I felt very suddenly and strongly that fall was over and winter was here. Thanksgiving seems to mark the end of fall, in some way. And winter is my season.

Sometimes I pretend that this isn't true. I think about how magical summer is and how I was a summer girl. I love summer. I think about how changeful and warm fall is and I want to fit as snugly in it as my friends do. But no. Winter comes and I'm reminded that we belong with one another.

Somewhere along the way Winter became a dear friend, a thoughtful companion, a familiar extension of myself.

You know that warm bubble of contentment and joy that swells under your ribcage when something inexpressibly delightful and comforting happens? I'm feeling that.

Here's the thing, guys. I'm going through a lot of change in my life (when am I not?) and Winter is my time to sit down and unpack all of my mind's drawers and sort everything. And I need to take the time to pull the drawers out of my dressers and empty them in giant piles all around me. I need the time to sit and pick through and turn things this way and that and relabel some of it and then re-fold it or throw it away or hang it up.

Winter gives me that time. oof. There's a lot of time in Winter. A lot of dark time. But I think I'm ready. Let's get down to the bare bones, to the bare arms of the trees. I need to stop. and think. and figure it out.

... waiting ...

I'm making an online photo album of Peter's and my first vacation together, aka our honeymoon. But Snapfish is "unable to save my photo album at this time." I'm supposed to try again in a few minutes. So I have been trying every few minutes and it continues to tell me that it is not ready to save my work. *le sigh*

Want to see some of my pictures?


We like to smoke cigars. NEXT!



This is the first natural bridge we hiked to at the Natural Bridges National Monument.


That is my husband there, hiking along.


I like to hike too. Wee!


I like to think that we're naturally happy people.

That's all. Off to save!

Shamrock Run

This March (2011), I will be attempting to run a 15K. Sweet Mother of God, I am already hating myself so much. There is a 5K and 8K also available (Kyle and Dena are running the 5K), but Peter wants to run the 15K with my dad and I don't want to run the 8K all alone, so ... I will be starting a training schedule this week to see if it is possible to run 9.3 miles by March 13.

Please send strong, enduring, healthy thoughts my way.

To be honest, I'm secretly a little excited because I know that this will be so good for me. My body will freaking love me (eventually). But first, everything in my being will hate me, hate Peter, hate St. Patrick's Day, and hate this mother f***ing run.

Please send strong, enduring, healthy thoughts my way.

... and Whether Pigs Have Wings.

Last night Peter and I sat in our living room and drank tea and journaled and tried to get our cats to freak out like normal cats. Fail.

I applied for some seasonal retail work and am keeping my fingers crossed that I get it (I'm doing that thing where I call in about once a day to check on the status of my application). There's something that sounds strangely appealing about being busy around the holidays. I may regret it once I'm stressing out about frilly shirts and shitty customers, but I want to be working more. Also, I think I'll feel less stressed about finances if I'm actively contributing to them. You know?

It's all rainy and cold here right now and I'm kind of loving it. I put on tights when I wake up, scarves when I leave the house and gloves when I get in the car. Why do I love grey and drizzly? Maybe because it feels like home. Also, I like to dress warmly. All my prettiest things are warm things, anyway. And there's more of an excuse to drink hot coffee, hot tea, hot chai and hot mulled wine. HOT HOT HOT! One of my favorite things to get in foreign European countries is a little paper cone filled with hot chesnuts. In French Switzerland they're called Marrons Chauds and in Swiss German one asks for Heissi Marroni. Oh, dear sweet goodness.

I'm feeling rambly and happy this morning. There's nothing pressing that needs doing in this moment and I'm teaching at my favorite preschool this afternoon. Thank you, rainy Portland!

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

And Why the Sea is Boiling Hot ...

Details, details, details.

I suck at them.

Except when I'm awesome at them. Which is only when superhuman effort or purest necessity pry me from my blissful absentmindedness and force me to notice things that need to get done and then actually do them all.

Currently, I am a list-making machine. I have lists everywhere. Life lists and phone number lists and address lists and library lists. Lists have a lovely way of simplifying things. And in my lists there is always a big box next to each thing so that I can make checks as I complete things. Sometimes I write down things I have already done, for the sheer joy of marking a big check in that box.

Today though, I am letting go of a few details. I am going to the beach. I will take a big breath and let it out slowly. Rinse, repeat. And I will not worry about whether the people who don't know one another will find things to talk about. They are competent, capable, confident women. They will discover something to share. I plan to forget a whole shit-load of things today and tomorrow, at the beach. It's on my list. Welcome home, absentmindedness.

Forgetfulness Haiku:

Please remember to
remind yourself to write down
whatever that was.

Of Cabbages and Kings

1. I love James Taylor.
2. Today it is warm and sunny and I walked to coffee.
3. I saw Katie Westerberg today! And met Thomas! What a delightful thing to happen!
4. I'm going to the beach.
5. I encouraged someone to live overseas. :)
6. I love coffee. And now Chai too. That's fun and new.
7. My hair is still red. mmmmm ... happy color.
8. Jessica and Lucas take good pictures together. They're so pretty.
9. Megan Porter writes lovely blogs. They're some of my favorites to read. Write more please, Megan.
10. I'm thinking about good things today. Big, good, non-stressful perspective-giving things. Life can be kind.

Of Shoes and Ships and Sealing Wax

1. Tomorrow is my golden birthday! I am turning 24 on the 24th! :D
2. One of my best friends got divorced today. Her picture looked like someone lit a light bulb inside of her. :) She's free!
3. Tomorrow I will eat chocolate cake made by my wonderful mother who is allergic to chocolate. Isn't that the nicest thing someone could possibly do for you?
4. I felt normal about marriage today. It was a needed feeling. Thank you, Jen.
5. I like to mop. It makes things look clean.
6. I want to paint my next apartment tree-y colors. Like orange. Is that tree-y? I think it works.
7. I'm wearing a Peter-shirt right now. It smells like him - warm and safe and masculine and mine.
8. I am going to a theater callback at the end of this month. :) :) :)
9. I like to sleep with earplugs in.
10. I have two cats.